Quest Adventure

[ebe]

Outhouseinferno looked at the apartment he had once lived in. It was gone now, dead to him. He'd need to find a new home, but he didn't even have money.

He looked through the window, there was Black Rock Shooter, covered in those green devils. Every year he had missed them, but this year they'd sprouted in his home. He kept silent, the anger building up in him.

He turned away, he would need to look for work.

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Nothing.

Everything was full, the village didn't have a single job opening. Even Club Centipede had told him to piss off.

Outhouse leaned back on the wall of his old house, idly picking his nose. It was summer, so he could get away with sleeping outside. Maybe by winter those things would be gone.

Yeah right.

"Heeeeelp! Someone! I need help!" He turned towards the voice. Coming near the village was a young girl in a ridiculous magical girl outfit, complete with ribbons. Her long, wavy hair dyed an obnoxious shade of purple.

"What's going on?" he asked her. She stopped running, catching her breath. Droplets of sweat trickled down her face. It seemed she had been running a long time.

"Please, a horrible monster captured me and a lot of other girls...I managed to escape but, that thing, that Tiggu-"

"Where?"

"A cave in the woods, I can, I can lead you there."

Outhouse felt a powerful stirring within him. All his life he had just sat around, a disappointment to everyone, most of all himself. This could be a chance to do something, if he died, at least there would be a hell of a story to tell.

"Okay, lead the way."

"Thanks, my names Delza, Mr...?"

Outhouse couldn't take much more of her voice, he grabbed the first thing next to him and swung.

"B'DNNNNNNNG!" The rake reverberated in his hands as the girl fell to the ground. He looked forward, he didn't say anything, he wasn't sure why that had happened, it was a reflex, like blinking when a beetle flies at your eyes.

"Ah! Ow! Wh-what did you-?"

"Lead the way."



END OF CHAPTER 1

[ebe]

They'd been walking for over an hour, and were now finally coming into view of the woods. Delza had been quiet, submissively looking down as she led the way.

Outhouse took in a breath of fresh air, and then coughed repeatedly from inhaling a lady bug. Delza looked at him nervously as he spasmed and gasped for breath. "Are you okay?" Outhouse blindly flailed his arm at her voice, but she was too far away for him to strike. After he was done coughing, they continued into the woods.

The young trees sprouted everywhere. Outhouse brushed aside the many branches in their way, hoping they would swing back and strike the girl behind him. He wasn't sure why he hated her so much, but he did.

"Hssss..." Outhouse stopped, causing Delza to flinch and stop as well.

"Is that a, gas leak?" He looked about, until amongst the branches his weak eyes picked out what seemed like a man. It wore a dress suit and a fedora, two empty holes stared out from its pale skin, the noise was coming from the thing. "What is that?" Delza looked at it.

"A sandman, they're harmless, unless they go rogue." The thing walked towards them steadily, designer leather shoes splashing in the mud. Outhouse readied his rake, he wasn't going to take any chances.

The thing opened it's maw, an empty sea of darkness, and began to echo out a strange chant. "I'm not the best at this but I somehow get the feeling that she needs to be careful with what she does and who she interacts with, if she isn't she could end up in pain."

"Wha?" Outhouse was confused, he heard a thud by his side, and saw Delza in the mud, fast asleep. "Oh I get it, trying to make us sleep huh? WELL GET READY TO BE RAKED!!" He swung the rake with all his strength, his arms braced as the shaft vibrated in his hands from the blow.

"B'DNNNNGGGGG!"

The creature stumbled backwards, holding it's head with one arm, and weakly trying to shield itself with the other. It had no hope.

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"Mmnnn, uh?" Delza woke up, her dress covered in mud, her companion running his arms through the outfit of a figure slumped over on the ground.

"Hey Delza help me get this watch off the chain, it looks valuable." She silently obeyed, afraid of what he might do if she didn't.

Her foot hurt, but she wouldn't dare complain to Outhouse.


END OF CHAPTER 2

[ebe]

Delza walked ahead into the cave. Her boots clicked against the cold floor, soon there would be only darkness. The clank of gold pocket watches echoed behind her, Outhouse had killed the Sandmen with relish, she wished she had found someone else to help her, but maybe it took a monster to kill a monster. She carefully felt around, they were descending and she didn't want to fall. There was a musty scent in the air, she shuddered as she thought of what it might be.

Outhouse looked felt around in front of him, he couldn't see anything now. The aroma in the air kept getting stronger, and he began to hear light moans in the distance. He had his rake ready, but was using it as a walking stick. His testosterone was really pumping. He could clean out his house with the money form selling the watches. But he needed to finish this, he'd never forgive himself if he let this chance slip up.

Ahead it was beginning to get light. He could see her outline now, carefully walking in front of him. For a moment he wanted to give her a push, to watch her fall down the abyss, but he controlled himself. As they reached the bottom, the glow of large lights and the hum of a generator made it clear where to go. He pushed past Delza, he would take it from here.

As he walked through the corridor, the moans began to become more distinct, what was happening to those girls?

Then he saw it.

A huge lump of flesh twitched at the back of large chamber. At it's top were two comical looking eyes, almost cartoonish. Pulsating tubes led out of its twitching mass, and at the end of each tube was a woman, helplessly struggling to free herself. The eyes bulged upon seeing him, and a tube popped out of the mass, revealing the things mouth.

"Delza, you came back. I've been worried about you. Who is your friend?" Delza hid behind Outhouse, Outhouse merely stared back at it.

"What are you?"

"I am Tiggurix, I am a seeker of wisdom. I have long since shed my human shell, and now walk taboo roads to find knowledge wherever it may be. I'm currently shedding the primitive concept of gender, soon I shall encompass both male and female, the first step of a new evolution of beings free from prejudice!"

"I'm going to rake you."

"Please, let's be civilized. The knowledge I have gathered is vast. Don't let these girls concern you, they are making their journey with me." Outhouse simply began to walk forward. "Very well, if you refuse to listen to me, I will defend myself. I cannot die with so much left unanswered!" With a sickening suction noise, the tube re-inserted itself into the things mouth, and it began to heave its girth forward.


END OF CHAPTER 3

[ebe]

Tiggurix glided forward, its bloated body pulsating in time with the tubes. Outhouse grabbed Delva from behind him and pushed her in front of it. "Aaaah! No no no no-!" It body-checked her, causing her body to skid across the ground. "Yaaaa!" Just then the rake came down on Tiggurix's head.

"SHLK! SHLK!"

Outhouse kept bashing the rake into the pudgy flesh, but it wasn't doing much good. As Tiggurix turned around, he raked the tubes at the beasts sides instead.

"Plp! Plp! Ssss...."

They snapped off surprisingly easily, a thick black fluid dripping out of them. Tiggurix made no noise, simply sucking harder on the tube in its mouth as its entire body began to twitch, then-

"SHHHPLLLSHHSH!!"

Black fluid burst from every severed tube, splattering around the room. Outhouse tried to move but found his feet stuck to the ooze, its consistency similar to tar. He had no time to lose, he reached into his pocket.

Delza watched as Tiggurix began to hunker down, as if preparing to leap upwards with its girth. She reached into her bag, now was the time to use her secret weapon!

"MAGICA DELZA SWORD!" A $60 on Ebay katana flashed from her bag, and she rushed at Tiggurix. "This is for taking uuUUuUus!?" She tripped as her leg got stuck in the goop. A shadow loomed over her. She braced herself for the impact.

Nothing.

"H-huh?" She opened her eyes, to see Tiggurix sleeping peacefully. Outhouse mumbled something under his breath, then addressed her as he tried to pry his rake free of the ooze.

"I sprayed him with sand I got from those things, looks like it worked out!" Realizing now was her chance, she used her free leg to lunge forward, driving the blade into Tiggurix's viscous folds. The monsters eyes snapped open, the tube fell from it's mouth as it let out a horrible wail. Outhouse quickly jammed the handle of the rake down its throat.

Tiggurix started to choke, it began wildly squirming, its eyes looking at Outhouse, then Delza, pleading, begging them silently as half formed noises began to echo from deep within it.

"Ck! Hn! Ck ck!"

Finally, with a quiet shudder, Tiggurix's eyes lost their keen luster, the body slumped lifelessly to the ground, a puddle of urine spreading out around it.

Delza look at the corpse. Despite knowing what would happen in this encounter, she felt sorry for the beast. "How sad..." there was a pause.

"B'DNNNNNNG!!"

"Ow! What is your problem!?"


END OF CHAPTER 4

[ebe]

Outhouse was looking through the chests that lined the room. A lot of them had money, one had a jar labeled as "potion," and a large urn hid a variety of notes. Curious at what they said, Outhouse began tearing through the notes while Delza cared for the captives.

"It turns out I'm not the first to question man's many limitations, it was fortuitous that I decided to see if any others had researched this subject. There is much discussion on methods of altering the body...but it appears most of these ended in grisly failure. There is repeated mention of a being known as "the overlord," as well as steps to commune with it. I doubt it will work, but I'll try."


"It's incredible! The overlord is a life form completely dissimilar to our kind. I have no idea how it came to be, but simply to discover such a thing exists! I must know more."

"The things I've done to appease the creature are not things I wish to write down for posterity...but the sacrifice was not in vain! I've learned the first steps towards self transformation! It is a godless art, but if humanity itself benefits, what cost is too much?"

"Amazing! I ingested my many volumes of knowledge, and now have perfect memory of them! The transformation is coming along nicely. I am troubled that my arms seem to be degenerating, so it will be difficult to upkeep this journal for the benefit of future scholars, but I myself have grown far beyond the need of written word. It is as if knowledge has become pure sense."


Outhouse looked through the notes. It seemed Tiggurix was not acting alone, but how would he find out more about this overlord? The books that might have helped him had apparently been eaten. Furthering puzzling over the problem, he turned to Delza. "Hey, when and where were the girls taken?" Delza knew better than to question him, and managed to get all the information from the girls. The locations they were taken from formed a line, and if they went back to the earliest point...it would lead them straight to the mountainous region a several miles East of town.

"Hey Outhouse? The girls will need help getting ba-" Delza and flinched as Outhouse held up his hand, but this time he made no attempt to strike her.

"Yeah, we'll take them, it's on the way."


END OF CHAPTER 5

[ebe]

The last girl had been dropped off two days ago. Every village had been happy about the rescue, and the families of those kidnapped let them stay the night. Still though, no feasting or big rewards, they hadn't been princesses or anything after all.

Delza was the first to spy the settlement at the foot of the mountains. It was incredibly sparse, thatched huts and teepees spread out, all looking different from each other. Still, perhaps they could find out more here.

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As they entered the settlement, they noticed a gathering of people in the center. Getting closer, they saw the crowd gathered in a circle, and at the center were two men, one of them wore a giant mask that appeared as a comically over-sized head, screaming in a hard to read emotion, with a curly mustache. The other man was reciting something to him.

"And then Omnimon comes, and it cuts Matt in half and Sora finally-"

"Enough!"

Everyone in the crowd began murmuring, the masked figure continued.

"This is not "So bad it's good," this is a meaningless list of TV show characters fighting each other. We have yet to have nourishment, you know what that means..."

The crowd began to chant "Creepy Pasta, Creepy Pasta!" The masked man lifted his hands up in the air.

"Yes! I shall create a pasta! And a damn good one!" The other man tried to run, but three members of the crowd lurched out and held him in place. The masked man slowly advanced, then reached out his hand, giving the other man a slight touch.

"Let him go." The crowd obeyed. The other man fell to the ground, touching himself all over.

"I'm, I'm okay? I'm okay!! Hahahaha! Yeah!" Despite the frenzied joy of the man, the crowd remained silent.

"You're already dead."

"Huh?"

"I've touched the power point, Caopian. Soon your RNA will begin to break itself down."

The man looked on in horror, then his body began to bulge, with a final cry, his muscles burst from his skin like the blossoming of a horrific flower, the bones simmered and melted into the ground, the organs churned.

"Kyaaa!" Delza looked away, Outhouse simply stared on, unmoved. After a minute all that was left was a heap of what looked vaguely like...spaghetti. The masked man raised his arms aloft again.

"Alright guys, pasta is served!" With wild hooting the crowd descended on the mess and began eating. Just then the unmoving, paper-mache eyes of the masked man noticed the two strangers. He waved to them and began walking forward.

"Yop! Welcome to our village. Too bad this was the first thing you saw. But I'll explain it to you." Delza nervously looked between the masked man and Outhouse, who still simply stared forward. "Our kind gains energy from discovering painfully bad art and literature. Normally we go to the mountains to gather it from the natives there, but recently we've had to make it ourselves...sometimes we have to go to desperate measures." Outhouse finally spoke.

"We've been trying to figure out more about a guy named Tiggurix, something about an overlord. Do you know anything?"

"Ah...he stayed in this village briefly...I can tell you more but, if you're strong enough to seek the overlord, maybe you can help us. The mountain people no longer create their terrible art because of a monster that has been hunting them. If you can take it out, I'll tell you everything I know." Outhouse thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Sure, but I'd rather not get lost in the mountains."

"Gotcha. Hey! Dreamer! Get over here!" a young boy scrambled over to them.

"Yes Cosbydaf?"

"Guide these people through the mountain, they're going to get rid of our monster problem."


END OF CHAPTER 6

[ebe]

Dreamer struggled to keep the weight aloft. Every time he took a step his legs threatened to buckle under. As he awkwardly plodded along he tried to remember the route, it was more difficult with all this weight. But if these people could rid the mountains of-

"Phhrrrbt"

"Aaah! Did you just fart? Why would you do that?" Dreamer began to sputter angrily, but Outhouse simply dug his heels harder into the youths sides. "Ahh!" That shut him up.

Delza walked beside them. She kind of wished she got to ride Dreamer, it would be a nice break from all this walking, but she probably wouldn't have handled him with the same kind of no-nonsense attitude Outhouse did. This way he'd be broken in fast. The mountains were a bland, rocky place, notable only for their altitude. Large veins of limestone streaked the exterior, and small bushes grasped at whatever soil there was to be had.

"Think I'm fat huh? Just because I'm not some anemic stick man?!"

They turned. A squat, jiggling figure was approaching them.

"Well I've been studying karate and have a trust fund! You'll keel with just one-"

"B'DNNNNNNG"

"Ow! My nose! Aaaaah!"

"B'DNNNNG! B'DNNNNG! B'DSHLLK! SHPLOCK!"

Outhouse lifted the bloody rake and wiped it off on Dreamers shirt, inciting a cry of protest that quickly shifted into a squeal of pain as the heels dug in once again.

Traveling further ahead they began to hear more mumbled voices, and soon more figures began to emerge from the crevices within the mountain. The soft, spongy bodies pushed themselves past the rocks, matted hair shielding their faces from the sun.

"My nickname is God because I..."

"Look! I bet that's the big bad!"

"Think you can just push us around??"

Afraid it would lead to more violence, Delza tried to step in. "We're not the one bothering you. We're here to help!" One of the figures, distinct for wearing black glasses frames with no lenses, suddenly broke into a run.

"Grr! Bad Ass Bookworm!!!" He punched Delza in the gut, causing her to fall over.

"Kya! H-hey!" There were now five of them gathered around Dreamer allowed himself to collapse and hid his head, Outhouse stood and readied his rake.

"WIZZLBANG!!!" With the sound of rock breaking through plasticine, a mysterious poncho wearing figure streaked down from the sky, his leg meeting with the attackers skull for an instant before sending his body sailing back a full four feet. Delza gasped.

"What the hell?!"

The figure turned around, a red, eyeball-like mask obscuring his face. "Don't worry, we Wizzlbangs are an honorable race, I'll help you out of here!"


END OF CHAPTER 7

[ebe]

Delza stood up and cautiously backed away from the figure. "You want to help us?"

"Of course! I am Rasec Wizzlbang, I can't let injustice slide." Dashing past her, he gripped another attacker under the arm and hurled them over his shoulder, causing the flailing body to crash into two more. Realizing there was a chance, Dreamer carefully stood back up.

"Hurry guys! The monster lair is this way!" He began stumbling forward again, Outhouse looking back to make sure the other two were following. Thinking quickly, Delza knocked a rock loose from the mountain side, causing a small avalanche to bury their pursuers. Dreamer slowed down, but didn't stop, he knew he'd just get punished by Outhouse if he did.

"So, uh, Rasec, my name is Delza, and this is Outhouse. We're searching for someone called the Overlord. But right now we're helping the nearby village hunt for a monster." Rasec folded his arms and nodded.

"Yes, I've noticed the mountain people becoming more agitated. Some kind of predator has moved in here. Thankfully the natives are pushovers." Rasec moved in a jerky way, as if staying still was impossible. His quick speaking furthered this impression.

"Well I'm glad you're on our side, hopefully we'll find the monster soon."

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Dreamer was exhausted. Half an hour back he had been forced to get on all fours to be able to support Outhouse's weight, and now his hands were rubbed raw from the many uneven stones. He had hoped Rasec would help him out, but the strange figure seemed to find nothing wrong with his pitiful state. It was more horrifying than a thousand Candle Coves. Without warning, Outhouse pushed down on his head, causing him to fall over. "Ow! Ow! Just tell me to stop! I speak English!" But soon he realized why they had stopped.

Before them stood a crowd of natives, and at the front of the crowd was a pudgy man in crude body armor holding a bo staff. Beside him stood a woman holding a boy who was unconscious. The man spoke.

"If hurting my son is pedophilia..."

Delza had had enough of the natives, and rather than trying to sort things out with them, simply drew her katana. "MAGICA DELZA SWORD!" Outhouse stood and held out his rake. They both charged, their weapons flashed through the air.

"Tnk!"

"Pwmb!"

The man had blocked the sword with his staff, and the fat of his body had absorbed the blow of the rake. They went to strike again, but the crowd fell upon them, and soon they were being held down by over a dozen crazed figures. Outhouse struggled violently, and Delza clutched her sword, afraid it would be taken away from her.

"Hey stupid face!" The man looked up as Rasec leapt towards him legs first, gripping the mans neck in a scissor hold, Rasec balanced on his hands, twirling his legs around like a helicopter.

"Aaaah!"

"Blugh!"

"Shit! Ow!"

As the man spun around, he knocked over his compatriots, the once blood thirsty crowd now began to run away. Seeing their chance, Outhouse and Delza rolled out of the range of the flailing man and began surrounding and beating the fleeing natives. Dreamer, caught up in the adrenaline of the moment stood to join the fight, but was knocked to the ground as the man continued to sail through the air. Finally Rasec released him, and with a weak cry he plummeted down the mountain side.

Delza, having just finished kicking a downed native, turned to Rasec. "That was amazing!! That monster won't know what hit it!"

Rasec caught his breath. "Thanks...but that, that was hard. Whew..." Rasec stretched his aching muscles while Outhouse retrieved Dreamer, he hoped that was the worst of it.

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They were nearing the top of the mountain. Bodies of natives were everywhere, slumped across rocks, an Eagle was carefully eying them as it feasted on one of the corpses. Delza was the only one disturbed.

"Ugh, I guess we're getting close to the monster." Outhouse spoke out in a rare moment of speech.

"Shut up, I hate you, of COURSE we're getting close to the monster. RRildsgldijhgsnoxi!" Delza looked down. Rasec continued striding along, seemingly oblivious to the awkwardness.

As they reached the summit, they saw more bruised bodies littered around, as well as large, thick books. Outhouse forced Dreamer to kneel so he could get a better look. "This ones face looks like it was beaten in, the book is damaged...who brings a book up here?"

"Watch out!" Rasec's warning came just as one of the bodies sprang to life and lunged at Outhouse. Outhouse lept off of Dreamer, safely landing a few feet away as his steed was lifted up and tossed to the edge of the summit.

"Aaah! Ow! Ah, ah, my arm..."

They looked at the new attacker. It wasn't like the natives. While it appeared human, a large sword pierced it through the torso. It observed them another moment and spoke.

"You aren't the things that live around here. What the hell are you doing up here?"

Rasec shook his fist. "Shut up and get ready to fight! Your opponent is the mighty Wizzlbang!" Delza stepped up as well.

"It's your fault the people of the mountain have gone crazy!" The creature backed up slightly.

They all waited for who would make the first move.



END OF CHAPTER 8

[ebe]

Outhouse slowly began to move towards Delza. "Eeh, eeeeiii?" Delza nervously looked back and forth between Outhouse and the unknown enemy, feeling increasingly stressed. "Damn it!" Deciding not to wait to be thrown into the line of fire again, Delza quickly advanced on the enemy, and was disturbed to see it didn't appear to be moving. "Rasec back me up!"

"FORP!" Rasec began to flank the enemy, but Delza was already getting too close to it. "Get back!"

Delza barely had time to register as her arms were grabbed and held tightly at her sides, her entire body quickly whirled around to face Rasec, and an arm wedged itself around her neck. "D...dhu..." As she tried to breath she found her airway cut off, she was suffocating!

"I'll fucking crush her like a grape so back off!" Rasec stopped, he would have to find a way to get the drop on the creature, or else Delza would be in danger!

Of course, Outhouse didn't care.

"B'DNNNNG!"

Outhouse had already circled around the opponent and began wildly striking at him with the rake. Spewing obscenities, it let go of Delza and instead pushed the rake aside and nailed Outhouse in the face with its elbow. A sickening crunch could be heard as black blood burst from Outhouse's nose. "Oooh gooood my nose ahhh!!" Grinning from adrenaline the enemy lunged forward to strike again, but it's arms were quickly restrained by Rasec.

"Shit! Go to hell!"

"No you!"

While Rasec put on a strong front, he was already weakened from fending off the mountain natives. Normally he would have followed up with a suplex to finish it off, but now he was struggling just to keep a hold of it. Delza had recovered and was nearly at them, Outhouse was slowly getting up as well.

The arms and legs bent 130 degrees.

"Nrrrgh-huh?" Rasec suddenly lost his grip as the enemies joints moved in inhuman directions, and the monster dashed away from them, on all fours at first as he desperately clawed towards open space, then quickly standing up again. It gripped the hilt of the sword imbedded in its chest, and with an audible sucking noise pulled it out. Now bleeding from the chest it turned to face them.

"OOOOOAAAAAAARGH!!" Outhouse brought down the rake with all his might, but found the handle met by the mysterious blade.

"K'THNAK!" The rake bounced back in his arms, and he found that he was now holding it in two pieces.

"MAGICA DELZA SWOOOOORD!!" Delza was to the left, swinging her blade down on the creature. It tried to side step it, but ended up getting it's arm torn. Now sporting a grimace with twisting muscles, it lurched back and stabbed the blade with all its strength. Delza tried to block.

"KLN'K!" The tip of the sword shattered through her katana. Her pupils shrunk in shock as she saw it nearing her face.

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It was the only way to save them.

Rasec dug deep within himself, to a place filled with mindless rage and shapeless chaos. He saw Delza's katana shatter as if it were in slow motion. He would have to use it.

The ultimate technique of his people.

Everything around him froze as if it were a picture. The thin mountain air now became unimaginably heavily. He walked forward to where the enemy stood, sword moments away from cleaving Delza's skull. With every step the frozen air particles scrapped against his skin, causing blood to trickle down his hair and mask, but as soon as it left his body it stayed, suspended in the air. He gripped the monsters arm, and pushed it till it pointed harmlessly towards the ground.

He then swung.

The unmoving atmosphere around him tore at his arms and legs as they pounded into the opponent's face again and again. Around him was now a cloud of his own blood droplets, suspended in the air. With a powerful kick, he heard the click of the monster's skull cracking, and knew he had won. He had won his final fight.

The increase of his metabolism to go from being peppy and energetic into moving faster than time itself meant he would soon starve, if the blood loss didn't kill him first. His cells would quickly die off, and to an outside observer, it would seem like he had simply blinked out of existence. But death was not the worst price of this technique. No, the true cost of it was why no one alive could quite recall having seen a Wizzlbang.

The memory of his existence would be burned out of reality.

Beginning to get dizzy as the cloud of blood around him grew thicker, Rasec knelt to the ground, taking in as much of the still-air as he could for one last cry.

"WIZZLBAAAAAAAAAANG!!!"

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"SPLRUPTCH!"

Delza's face was suddenly splattered in blood. She stood there frozen, her body still shaking from fear. Taking deep breaths, she looked at the body in front of her.

The sword was now embedded in the ground, the monsters face nothing more than a bloody, misshapen mess. The body was hunched over the sword like a walking stick, and after a moment of silence, fell off of it onto the ground with tiny thud.

Dreamer broke the silence.

"Oh my god that was some hyper realistic blood! His face looks like the Skin Th-"

"Whatever, it's dead. Let's get back to the village." Outhouse stood up and began walking towards Dreamer. Delza carefully pulled the sword out of the ground. Since she had lost her katana she would need a new weapon. As she observed it she noticed an inscription across the flat of the blade.

"E...B...E?" As Outhouse saddled up on Dreamer and began to ride down the mountain again, Delza followed a safe distance behind. As she turned around, she saw the broken fragments of her old katana on the ground, and she felt as if she was forgetting something.

What it was, she had no idea.



END OF CHAPTER 9

[ebe]

They made their way off the mountain, and were soon back amongst the tattered huts of the village. Cosbydaf came towards them.

"Dreamer, how'd it go?"

"Great! We showed that monster! Ugh...hey, since we're done, maybe you can tell Outhouse to get off me." Cosbydaf looked up to Outhouse.

"Thank you. We don't have normal food to share, but I can supply you all with some water for the journey ahead. If you follow the road East of here, you'll eventually come to a cross roads. Go to Raildes, you'll find a cult for the overlord there." Outhouse followed him down to the storehouse where they packed up and rested for the night. Outside, Cosbydaf and the others were gathered around a campfire listening to the stories of one of the captured mountain natives.

"Seriously, if she wasn't in a committed relationship already and didn't offer to help she's a total bitch." Loud laughter erupted from the villagers after this, and it seemed that life would finally return to normal for them. Delza was out like a light, exhausted from everything she'd done that day. Outhouse was more rested, since Dreamer had done most of the walking, and his broken nose still hurt besides. He still wasn't sure why he had decided to take on this adventure, after Tiggurix died he could have gone home. But being out, fighting monsters, it got his blood moving in a way he'd never felt before. He would see this adventure out, until the end.

"Uhh, hello?" Outhouse turned around to see a young man at the entrance to their tent.

"What?" asked Outhouse tersely.

"I uh...I'm tired of staying here. I just see the same things every day. I want to go with you guys! I'll do whatever you need!" Outhouse thought it over for a moment.

"Fine, you can carry things." The man burst out into a hideous guffaw, waking Delza up and causing her to reach for her sword through instinct.

"My name's Rexward."

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Dreamer could barely see the road through his tear blurred vision. He was trapped with these two. They'd come for him the next morning, rode him out of town. The worst thing was that the others knew! And still they let it happened, he still remembered Cosbydafs voice as they left the village.

"Be safe guys!"

Now here he was, exhausted to the point of delirium. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go for.

Delza let out a whine. "Outhouse, c'mon, I want to ride!" Her plea was met by silence from Outhouse. Rexward perked up though.

"You can ride me!" Delza laughed nervously, unsure of how to answer, but then in the distance she saw something. "Hey! Hey the town is up ahead!" Dreamer was certainly excited.

"Thank goodness! Finally I can have re-aaugh! Why did you aahhhhh!" Outhouse farted as he dug his heels into Dreamers side, speeding up his pace, they would be there soon.

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At the edge of town were some posts with horses and large, lizard like mounts tied to them. Outhouse leapt off Dreamer and tied a rope around his neck, then tied it to the post.

"I'm not an animal! I can sleep inside! I'll need to eat!"

As Outhouse and Delza got further into town, they spotted something useful, a blacksmith. Outhouse ran over to it, clutching the broken remains of his rake. As he got there, he saw the Blacksmith was already busy.

A tall, hairy and grungy fellow stood over the fire pit, hammering out what looked like a horse shoe. Taking a break to wipe sweat from his forehead, he then dipped it in some water to cool, and brought it out to hang on a rack. Stopping his work, he began to dig around in his nose as if looking for buried treasure. Outhouse approached him.

"I need a new rake." He dropped the remains of his old one.

"Huh, this one looks pretty shitty. What do you use your rake for?"

"Raking things, people mostly." The blacksmith took his finger out of his nose and considered a moment.

"I can make you a real rake, but I'll need to get paid in advance for materials." Outhouse took out some of his money from selling the Sandman watches. "Ah, okay, I'll have it done by tomorrow!"

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Delza looked about the square, until she spotted a guide. It was a somewhat dubious figure, since it looked male (though just barely) but was wearing a ballerina outfit. She carefully approached it, and it quickly began seeing if it could get a new customer.

"Jesus Lizard knows everything there is to know about this town! Are you new here? Let me introduce you, those other guides aren't worth the slime!" Delza handed him some money, which he quickly snatched up and admired for a moment. "Beautiful! Let me show you around!"


END OF CHAPTER 10

[ebe]

Delza walked through the streets behind her new guide, a little disappointed as he led her straight back to where she had begun. Jesus Lizard rubbed his hands together as he spoke.

"This is CUJO's smithy. The sword hanging on the back of the wall was not forged by him, instead it was used by some idiot who talked about motorcycle riding monsters all the time. CUJO crushed his arms with an Axe he crafted only for that purpose."

Delza looked doubtfully at the hairy, flatulent creature hammering away at a long pole of iron. "If you say so...uh...actually I was looking for a cult of the Overlord so..."

"Of course. I understand!" The man bowed low and began to walk away again, Delza nervously followed, not comforted in the least by the bearded cretin breathing heavily behind her.

"That guy is cool, he's like an animal person. And the way he forges is like he has elemental powers, guhuhuhuh!"

Delza flinched and forced a smile at Rexward, then quickly turned back to Jesus Lizard so she didn't lose him in the increasingly busy crowd. She had to push through them eventually as they went past a busy intersection, but with one quick turn they were in an alley. Suddenly there were no people, just ammonia-like smell of piss and the murmur of the crowd behind them. Jesus Lizard stopped at a banged up door that was streaked with water stains.

"Here be the door. But I'd rather not go in." Delza shrugged.

"That's fine, c'mon Rexward." She gripped the rusty door handle and pulled, surprised to see it came open easily, but with a groan of complaint from the years of disrepair. It was dark inside, and smelled of nothing other than iron. They walked in but were immediately met by bars of iron. "Huh? Hey is this a door?" Just then the door behind them slammed shut, leaving them in darkness. "Kyaaa!! What the hell?!" She tried pushing on the door, but now found it sealed shut, they were trapped inside!

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Jesus Lizard giggled mirthfully as he counted the money he'd been given. He finally had enough! His legs moved by themselves, it was as if he was watching himself from afar. He continued to press past the crowd, he felt his confidence ebbing back and forth, but he was a man possessed, no cold feet now!

He reached the red light district, he throat went dry as his mind raced with what was about to happen.

He was going to-

Pushing past some drunks he arrived, but where was she? She was supposed to be here! He frantically looked around. Did someone else have her? No! She was his! He'd sold so many people out so she would be his! Dammnit! She was already gone! Fuck! All that for nothing!

He really wanted to-

Wait! That shimmering! That delicate flash of purple! He raced towards it, his eyes widening as he drank in her form. That elegant horn...those bouncy lashes...the shimmering purple mane...those malformed legs that ended in stumps, that mark on the thigh...he tried to speak but his throat couldn't spit out the words. He gasped and gaped at her awkwardly, like a fish desperately flailing on the beach, the tide just out of reach.

"Excuse me? Who are YOU?" Her words were so elegant, so elevated, he felt like he was burning up.

She really needed him to-

He threw out his hands, the heavy coins clinking together. Her eyes widened in surprised, but then she turned to him, batting her lashes seductively.

"Well, I'll need to work on your outfit a little...but, we can talk about that later today, right?"

He was going to-

He nodded dumbly, managing to smile as he clung to her leg.

Two hours later, he did.

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A low hum filled the darkness, though it was barely noticeable behind Rexward's wheezing chuckles. Lights clicked on, making Delza squint as she tried to adjust to the sudden brightness. After her eyes focused, she saw that she and Rexward were in a tiny cell, and before them, past the bars, was a tall, string-bean like figure, wearing a monocle.

"I see you woke up...let me explain..." his voice was incredibly deep, and droned in an odd, sleepy way. "We know you want to mess with the Overlord...so we bribed some guides to lead you here if you came by..." Delza's pulse quickened, she'd been captured by another follower! Would she end up like one of Tiggurix's girls? The droning voice continued. "We're not...normal. The Overlord helps us get what we want...I've finally been given what I need. After being made fun of, after being the chew toy of this entire city! Just wanting a girl who could respect my interests...like that'll ever happen...well now I can at least see my greatest desire..." He trudged over to a strange machine, the source of the humming sound. "But the Overlord told me...that by combining my two greatest desires...I'd be killed. So I need to send someone else. And we need to get rid of you. I think you see where this is going." Delza certainly did, but she also had a plan.

"You look like a nice guy...you said you just wanted a girl to respect your interests right? So if you had someone like that...you wouldn't need to go through with this!" The man looked at her for a moment, but then switched something on the machine on, a portal opening from the front of it, leading to what looked like a starry night sky. He unlocked the door and grabbed her arm. "K-kyaaa!" Delza tried to scream as cutely as possible, closing her eyes and looking downward as she cried out. Sure enough, she felt the grip on her wrist loosen. It had worked!!

Now!!

She pushed against him with all of her strength, breaking free of his grip. "Hurry Rexward!!"

"Hyuck Hayuck!" Rexward barely came up to the mans chest, but he headbutted him as hard as he could, causing him to stumble into the portal, letting out a long, monotone yell.

"Noooooooooo."

While Delza was curious what would happen, she didn't want to risk him coming out again, and quickly shut off the machine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The man looked around, suddenly in a panic, but not just of fear, also, excitement.

This was supposed to be his two greatest desires, a fatal pleasure.

He looked about, he seemed to be on top of a tall building, the starry skies all around him.

"Heehee." A malicious giggle.

He turned around, and saw it in the distance.

Beautiful.

It was everything, everything he had hoped for, but why so big? Flames shot out from around it, blotting the stars with smoke. Windows burst from the intense heat, his obsession moved towards him with terrifying speed. Then he realized what the second desire was.

"Oh shit."

The shadow raised above him, soon it would come down. Ending his moment of ecstasy, ending his one true moment of happiness.



END OF CHAPTER 11

[ebe]

Delza nervously walked through the building. It was clearly in disrepair, with coats of dust and the faint movement of insects everywhere. As she entered a dimly lit hallway she heard a mans voice ahead.

"My good sir, you will further edu, educate me on how to properly speak as befits a gentleman. Doing otherwise shall incur my wrath." Another voice answered.

"You fucking psycho, no one talks like that anymore!"

"Silence Sir Spivsy! Do not mock a maso, a, a follower of Zeus!" A dull thud and the crack of wood was heard.

"Ow! You're batshit!"

As she reached a doorway, Delza carefully peaked out. A man had been tied down against a wall, and standing next to him was a rotund figure wearing a tiki mask and holding a switch. As she thought about what to do, Rexward walked past her.

"Well howdy doody mister. I like your mask."

"Rex what the fuck are you doing?!" The masked man turned to them.

"Oh? What manner of knave are you? And this lady...ah..." he walked forward, pushing Rexward out of the way. Delza tried to draw her sword, but before she could two large hands were on her shoulders, he'd rushed behind her...the sound and heat of heavy breathing beat against her nape. "Don't be alarmed...as a gentleman I know that sex CAN wait."

"Oh gawd no!" She tried to struggle free, but was held fast.

"Let me out of here!" The man called Spivsy desperately tried to get Rexwards attention, but Rexward only stared at him blankly.

"Hyuyuck."

"Were you dropped as a baby or something?!"

The masked man pulled Delza closer to himself. "My lady, holding you now, it's as if everything is different, as if for the first time, I am truly happy. You need struggle no longer, I shall be your knight."

"Why is everyone here a gigantic pervert?!" Delza desperately stomped on the masked man's foot, but nothing happened.

"You know I am quite a masochist."

"UUUUGH!!!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outhouse held his new rake.

It was beautiful.

Thick iron had been sculpted to make a rake that looked more like a weapon than a garden tool. He balanced it in his hands to get a sense of it's weight.

"This will do."

The smith sniffed as he scratched his behind.

"That better than any Walmart shit you could get. No matter what they try they can't compete with the work of the common-"

"Sure whatever." Outhouse walked away, it was time to find that cult!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Get OFF me! I thought you said it could wait!" Delza was desperately trying to push the weight off of her. "Rexward help me!"

"I will never be too busy for you, I will buy you flowers, just because!"

Rexward watched. He wasn't sure what was happening, but it seemed important. Like a train. Trains were important. Man it had been ages since he'd seen a train. Once they left this place he was going to go to the nearest station and watch the trains, that always cheered him up! Maybe while he was there-

"SPLUK!!!"

Delza felt the hands gripping her shoulders suddenly relax, and quickly pushed the body off of her, scrambling to stand up. There in the doorway was a surprisingly welcome face.

"Outhouse!! Oh thank god!" Outhouse glared at her.

"Wasn't enough, need to hit something again." Delza quickly ran back away from him, not trusting herself to the new, larger rake. Spivsy turned to him.

"Hey can you untie me? The retard doesn't answer."

Outhouse walked over and grabbed the ropes with the rake, pulling up, and grinned in satisfaction as they snapped and fell apart.

"Hey thanks, there's some more loons upstairs you can hit."

"Perfect."




END OF CHAPTER 12, SORRY IT IS SHORT

[ebe]

Outhouse stood at the top of the stairway. before him stretched a magnificent hallway, flanked on either side with bizarre statues of headless, bloated creatures. As he walked forward he saw corpses and scattered human bones. The entire place reeked terribly. On the walls were blackened windows and frescoes depicting depraved acts of unholy pleasure, people screaming as blurred, laughing forms pranced about, orgies of sex and violence, shambling husks fruitlessly trying to escape deranged sorcerers.

But the end of the hallway was what mattered.

Sitting on a simple wooden chair that served as a throne, a hefty, red bearded figured glowered down at him. He stopped and pointed his rake accusingly. "Are you the leader here?"

The large man let out a very quiet sigh. "Oy oy...please...kill me..." With that, he lifted a large battle axe from his side, and began advancing on Outhouse.

"I was going to anyways." Outhouse started to advance towards the man, but had to jump back to avoid the huge arc of the battle axe as it swung past him. He needed to find a way to get in closer. Reaching behind him he grabbed Rexward and threw him towards the man.

"A man chooses, a slave obe-GUH!" Rexward was flung into the air as the man sent his axe swinging again, but now Outhouse had an opening! Lunging forward he struck as hard as he could at the man's head, grinning ferally as he heard the crunching of bones. The man collapsed.

Delza ran forward. "Rexward are you okay?" Not getting a response, she began trying to wake him up, but he remained still. "Dammnit Outhouse I think Rexward is really hurt!"

"I have to change bodies again!? This one was so roomy!"

Delza looked in shock at the dead mans body from whence the shrieking voice had come. Outhouse retained his grip on the rake.

The man's stomach bulged out, and with a sickening noise akin to a balloon full of gravy popping, a massive serpentine beast erupted forth. It's eyeless face twisted to regard Outhouse and Delza.

"You're both so tiny! I'll have to board inside another member's body to make ends meet! But first I'll take care of both of you!"

Outhouse was unmoved.

"It's time for some second degree rake."

A tendril of gore tore itself from the corpse and headed straight for Outhouse, he managed to smack it with the rake, eliciting a howl of rage from the monster. The tendril twisted around Outhouse to grab at Delza. Delza gripped her sword, but before she could use it the tendril wrapped around her and swung her against the window, shattering it and sending glass spraying everywhere, it then swung her back the other way, slamming her into a wall and knocking the breath out of her.

Outhouse was occupied attempting to strike the serpentine head, but it always weaved out of the way. If he tried to strike at the base where the creature emerged from the corpse he'd be unprotected from it's powerful jaws. He could only hope it began to tire before he did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rexward found himself in darkness, but he was not alone. Someone else was there.

"Hello? Is that you Cosbydaf?" The air around him heated up, he felt his pulse quicken, he felt excited.

REXWARD, YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN YOURSELF, BUT I HAVE KNOWN YOU. PART OF YOURSELF HAS REMAINED BURIED, NOW TASTE OF MY FRUIT, AND REMEMBER."

Pain flared up from his legs.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outhouse was beginning to tire, the monster was snickering maliciously at him, knowing it was just a matter of time before he'd be too weak to swing his rake about. Just as he was considering running away and letting it eat Delza, the thing convulsed and began to scream.

"GRAAAAYAAHNG!"

Outhouse didn't bother checking what providence had allowed for this opening, he took it. The rake thrust into the monsters mouth, wedging itself in the leviathans throat. It began to gnaw furiously on the shaft, but Outhouse twisted the handle, and watched as the spiked end ripped through the rubbery neck of his adversary.

"Grraa...you...ah..."

It collapsed to the ground with a thud. Outhouse turned to see Delza weakly picking herself up, and Rexward standing up again, the tendril now limp on the ground, and bleeding from shards of glass from the broken window that now perforated it.

"C'mon, let's go find out if anyone here will tell us anything now that we've taken out the cult leader."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the towns people had been largely appreciative, no one could offer further information on where the Overlord lay. Outhouse decided it was best to sell off what he could steal from the cult's lair and return home. He'd have enough money to support himself for at least a year! Delza was disappointed, but too scared of Outhouse to try to argue the point. Rexward simply grinned and nodded at everything that was said to him.

Dreamer was excited to see the group coming back.

"Finally! Are you guys going to let me go yet? They've been feeding me oats! And the horses here can't comment on my new story, "Non-consentual Industry." I really think I blended Poe with Buffy in a new twist on-ghk!"

Nobody saw it coming.

Dreamer's eyes remained wide in shock, and then passed on into a glassy stare. His body drifted down and plopped into the dust, as Rexward held a now bloodied shard of glass silently.

Delza looked horrified.

"Rexward what did you just do?!"

Rexward grinned, and then ran off into the wilderness.


END OF CHAPTER 13

[ebe]

The wilderness was pretty boring.

Sure there was a tree here and there, but for the most part it was just flat and bushes. Flat and bushes. Outhouse glowered at the horizon.

"Fuck Rexward, that was our only horse."

Delza looked offended.

"He wasn't a horse, he was a human being ok?!"

"Yeah yeah, horses are faster."

"Would you care if I died?"

Outhouse laughed.

"Don't kid about that, with Rexward gone I need you to carry our supplies."

Delza remained silent.

The remained on the path for some time, not even sure if this was what would lead to Rexward. But they didn't have anywhere else to go, and the path was what Rexward HAD been on. He had moved quickly and tirelessly, a tiny dot on the horizon that eventually disappeared. Up ahead it appeared even more dismal, there weren't even trees or bushes dotting the landscape.

"Caw!"

Outhouse glanced up at a crow on the tree. It seemed normal enough, so he kept walking.

"Caw! Caaaaw!"

There were more crows now, the trees thick with them. Their cawing had lost it's mundane nature and now seemed threatening. Outhouse was calm, Delza was carrying the supplies, so she would both be a more likely target and less able to get away, he should be safe.

Dammnit! Delza moved closer to him now, obviously spooked by the now living foliage of the trees around them. The crows puffed up their feathers, scrambled from branch to branch, let loose their hateful screams. The tension built exponentially.

And then they came.

Crows flew about him in every direction, Outhouse swiped his rake back and forth in the hopes of murdering some of the beasts, but if he was hitting them he couldn't tell, the beating of wings drowned out all other noise.

"Quick get over here!"

They faintly heard a voice from outside the mob. Holding Delza as a shield Outhouse crashed through the swirling mass of crows, and on the other side found...a man. He wore a kilt, his thick mustache winding away in both directions as if the two sides hated each other.

"You can't beat them that way, just hold them off. Hurry and hit one my way!"

Not stopping to question the situation, Outhouse swung his rake in an arc, smacking a crow out of the air and hurtling towards the stranger.

"Sugar Devil Toad Racket!!" With a swing from a tennis racket the man sent the crow bouncing back, Outhouse instinctively swung again, knocking the crow towards the stranger again, another crow with it this time. The two began swinging like lightning, their steps in tandem, the flow of screeching avians growing until it was as if a black python was streaming between them. The man suddenly braced himself.

"Galactic Monk Fish Palm!" with a powerful upwards thrust the stream of crows blasted into the clouds, their vengeful cries of protest disappearing into the aether. The man stepped down and offered his hand. "I'm Ragspaper, good to meet you. Those crows are always bothering travelers."

"My names Outhouse, thanks for the help, but I could have handled it." Ragspaper smiled and shook his head.

"I don't doubt it, but trust me, this way saves time. Where are you going?"

Delza spoke up. "We're looking for a friend of ours...he's a little taller than me, spiky hair, if he came this way it would have been today." The man nodded and stood awhile in thought. "I think I saw him. I tried to talk to him but he kept on walking, straight into the blasted lands. That place is crawling with monsters, I don't recommend going."

"Killing monsters is what we do, where are these blasted lands?" Outhouse replied flatly. Ragspaper sighed.

"It's just the way you're going, keep heading East. But if you're determined to go I'm going with you, that place is totally not ok for tourists."

Delza smiled warmly. "Thank you sooo much for coming along! It feels lonely with just two people." Ragspaper just flashed a grin and set out walking.

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The landscape had long since stopped having trees, and now the bushes were getting further and further apart. Delza broke the silence.

"Why is there nothing here? Is there a special reason they call this the blasted lands? Or is it just because it's so dead?" Ragspaper turned to her.

"I heard a long time ago this place was ruled by robots. They were able to make more of themselves, and soon this place was filled by robots who enslaved the people and forced them to join dating profile sites. A bolt from the heavens destroyed the city the robots controlled, and the fallout made this whole land sterile. Heavy stuff. Now the only things that live here are mutants who follow the robots' teachings. Well, maybe a few stragglers like myself too."

Delza thought about asking him *why* he lived here, but decided against it, she was just thankful that someone other than Outhouse was here. She was still shocked at the recent turn of events. Rexward had been the closest thing she had to a friend in this group, and then he cold bloodedly murdered Dreamer! Sure Dreamer wasn't her favorite person in the world...but still.

Ragspaper held out his arm as a signal for them to stop. "Careful! It's dodoman!" They looked over to see a dodo bird, waddling around the blasted wastes. Outhouse seemed unimpressed.

"Whatever, if it tries anything they really WILL be extinct."

"No! It's not the bird that's the problem."

"Sure whatever, I'll just get rid of it." Outhouse drew his rake, and the dodo froze. Then suddenly let out a loud squawking noise.

"BRAAAAW BRAAAAW BRAAAAAW"

"Dammnit!" Ragspaper cursed. "Now it's friends are coming! Get ready!"

The ground began to rumble.





END OF CHAPTER 14

[ebe]

Over the horizon a dust cloud approached. As it neared an ominous laughter could be heard, not unlike a yak choking on a running vacuum cleaner. Blurred shapes jaunted about in the cloud, some humanoid and others bizarre. The forms stopped around the dodoman, and slowly the dust cleared.

Several muscular, bald and goatee'd men stood around the flightless bird. Around them bounced what appeared to be disembodied butts. One of the men spoke.

"PUSSY HAHAHAHA!"

He then leapt forward like a retarded grasshopper, aiming straight towards Delza.

"Gssssh'zt!"

With a small spurt of blood from his stomach he fell over, Delza still clutching onto her sword. She wrenched it out the oaf's gut and nervously watched the remaining figures. One of the men's grin began widening, and then his entire head bulged, as if something too large was trying to escape from it.

"SCATTER!!!" Ragspaper screamed as he began to run. Outhouse and Delza took off in two opposite directions, and not one moment too soon.

As the man's mouth finished opening a blackness erupted forth and struck the spot they had been standing. A low drone, like the toll of an impossibly large gong echoed outward, and where they had been standing there was...space.

No air, no ground, everything was blackness and stars, covering a dome like area that stretched about forty feet in the air and at a forty foot radius.

Another man's grin began to widen.

Still running, Delza shouted out to Ragspaper.

"What's going on what do we do?!"

"Keep moving!"

"DNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"

Another wave of sound signaled a huge dome of space erupted in front of Outhouse. He began to turn around to run the other way.

"Frrrrrt!

"Phhhhhhbt!"

Two butts rocketed forward, aiming dead center at his chest.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a widening grin.

"Ragspaper heads up!"

Outhouse swung his rake as hard as he could, knocking the two butts away, Ragspaper turned, and almost instantly realized Outhouse's plan.

"RADICAL NECK VOLLEY!"

Swinging his racket faster than human eyes could discern he knocked the butts straight back at the man whose head had bulged out to twice it's normal size.

"DNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"

Men, butts, dodoman:

Space.

They all stopped a moment to catch their breath. Ragspaper broke the silence.

"I told you not to mess with dodoman! Well I'm exhausted, I need to head out...but good luck to you guys."

Delza began to panic.

"W-wait don't go yet! We can all just rest awhile so it's fine, we'll just stay here and-"

Outhouse cut her off.

"Let's go. We don't have much more daylight."

Delza let out a hopeless whine, and watched sadly as Ragspaper leisurely back flipped away.

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Lizards.

Dead lizards were littering the wilderness ground wherever they stepped. They were covered in bites and gashes, it was probably not the best of omens. They walked towards a man they saw sitting in the distance. He was holding a still living lizard.

"Hello! Do you have a lizard?"

Outhouse shook his head.

"I will trade an elixir for a lizard."

Outhouse nodded.

"We'll be back."

"Also I have a cool tatto-"

"We'll be back."

Outhouse and Delza began looking about for a lizard that was still alive, but it seemed like they were all dead. All of them. Everywhere. After about a mile they saw an incredibly tall figure come from around a mountain. They began heading towards it, and found to their surprise a masked man riding a masked giraffe. Delza hailed them.

"Hello! Do you know where to find a lizard?"

The masked man looked down at them.

"You are on a blasted plateau. A mysterious man riding a noble giraffe stands before you."

"Uh yes."

"Invalid Command."

"What?"

"Invalid Command."

"Greet man?"

"The man introduces himself as KDarkness, he nods his head and asks what you need."

"Do you know-damn it!"

"You shouldn't use words like that you know."

"Oh are you talking normally now?"

"Invalid command"

"Grr! Ask KDarkness if giraffe can see a living lizard."

"The man commands his giraffe to search for a living lizard."

The masked giraffe began to turn it's head back and forth, slowly but deliberately, it then let out a loud bellow.

"FOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUR!!!!"

The masked man looked back down at them.

"KDarkness informs you that there is a living lizard due southwest of here, about half a mile."

Delza and Outhouse left without saying anything more, all that weird talking had pissed them off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here's your lizard!"

Delza handed the man the skink-like reptile.

"Thank you, and as I promised here is your elixir!"

Delza excitedly grabbed the glowing bottle.

"Thank you for the el-what are you DOING?!"

Delza watched in horror as the man pushed the lizards against eachother, grinning devilishly as they began to bite at eachother.

"You're forcing them to fight?!"

The man suddenly looked up angrily.

"FORCED to fight?! My creatures love to fight! You stupid moral guardians would be hilarious if you weren't so damn annoying!"

Spit flew from his mouth as his gaze intensified.

"HUMANS are the ones being exploited! Working every day, and for WHAT?! Creatures have an ideal life! Watch!"

Taking out a sharpened stick the man quickly impaled one of the lizards through it's skull.

"BOOOOOOM!! HEADSHOT!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!"

Delza looked pleadingly at Outhouse. Outhouse looked emotionlessly back.

"Let's see what else he's got on him."




As they looted his corpse, it turned out just a stick and some lizard food.









END OF CHAPTER 15