dumb short stories

[xolta]

Once apon a few weeks ago whilst doing his normal routine of shit and nothing Lucha jack saw a strange glowing portal and it was all huge and glowing it also it smelt a bit funny. Like a women that sells fish on hot summers days. lucha jack goes into the portal in a sliding manner. Stupid music can be herd all around as he goes down it. He enters Wonder land, yes that wonderland. Lucha jack in wonderland, Lucha jack falls on his ass and was for once in his life justly mad at some thing. Lucha jack looks into the distance he sees a small white rabbit dressed in alight pastel blue vest holding a gold clock, the rabbit says " oh shit i am late the queen will have my head and runs off into the twisted land space. Lucha jack think of a female oral sex joke and figures he should fallow the rabbit because he has nothing better to do any ways. Lucha jack fallows the rabbit hoping hes on some kind of peyote trip. Were did that jack of shit go to? Wonders lucha jack while picking his nose. He looks around to see a bizarre mush mash of tile road and purple flora as far as the eye can see, nothing makes scene here just like a anti vaccine rally every thing is made of insanity. Seeing a land space of winding roads with no logic, odd shapes and colors fly around him. This isn't hell hes been there before.

The devil and him are bros. "Mmm fuck my luck" lucha jack says. as he warders aimlessly towards a large ass tree that looks like it has boobs or that's what lucha jack thinks they are, hes not a smart fellow. Look around the tit tree Lucha jack sees some bottles one says eat me one says drink me. He figures hey free food might as well but just as he was about to eat the food form on the tree comes down a floating smile with a vague striped pattered in optic colors. Lucha jack swings his chain saw at it, because fuck ghost. Thinking there better then us with there lack of life and non corporeal bodies. Maybe a chain saw to the face will teach it not to be a ghost and not to be a dick money. Fucking comie bastards. "Why did you hit me the smile said?" Soon before his eye came upon him the famous Cheshire cat. Ugh this is like some shifty time Burton wet dream lucha jack screamed. Then he went on a murder spree, because he donset know how to control his rage.

He murders the shit out of some happy dancing mushrooms, birds some guy named ted fuck guys named ted and lastly but not lastly he murders the Cheshire cat. Lucha jack goes i murdered you just like Tim burton did in his awful movie. Sumg in the fact that he was 100 percent right and no one could prove him wrong. Luch jack wanders in the woods look for the rabbit for many hours with visions of formula running in his head. He came across many chuckle fucks across his way they were help full at all. After a few hours of this bull shit lucha jack wonders about doing better things like fight and eat cheaply priced food made form questionable old man that live in there vans. Lucha jack thinks to him self why it was so important in the first place to get that rabbit with nothing coming to his mind he decides to call it quits. He goes to the bust stop Everone built in wonderland to get cheap scab labour from wonderland to bogleech. Everone lost a lot of money in that deal. We waited for a while for the buss to come looking at strange people come and go passing him buy hoping it would get there soon. Playing with his chain saw as he waited.

An hour latter the bus came. Lucha jack steeped on the bus and looked at the greaasy old driver wondering if it was male or female as he reached into his pockets for some change. As he sat on the bus his mind drifted to other things. Like did he leave the oven on,or can he beat god in a fight, where did he leave his cellphone at and should he fight some more jack and apes today. The hills faded into the background as time passed, the world of wonder land grew shorter with the speed of the buss as it came close to the portal. Lucha jack ate a werid sandwich a drifter on the buss sold him and regretted when he got home that night. He got off the buss as soon as it got to his stop. A old ragged broken dome. It was the place he called home. He checked his mail then he fought the yeti. Today was pretty normal he said to Lucha Jane. They watched some tv and went about there normal lives and the earth keept spinning as it normally dose. Soon his trip to wonder land faded into the blur of his memories. Lucha jack lived on as if nothing abnormal happened to him. The end.

[xolta]

A small white poster plastered all over the walls of lucha jacks dome home. He looks at it angerly what kinda piss fucker would do that he wonders. The poster reads " Win one million dollars in this exciting race!" One million dollars lucha jack says excited by the prospect of all that money. But he dose not have a car to enter the race in. Were will I find a car he thinks to him self. He know that dumb ass xolta has to borrow his moms car so he cant ask him at all. He think and thinks and thinks. Untill he realises "its legal to be a dinosaur in this contrary but not a car a suar" So like Fred flit stone only more dangerous he rudely goes up to a harmless dinosuar and whit his chain saw and 10 blunt force hits to its skull he knocked the poor beast out. The next day he entered the race with saddle on his dinosuar he looked rather silly. The lumber beast still mad by the poresct. But now was the day of the race and lucha jack could taste that million dollar prize. He wanted it badly. All the wonderful things hed do were flying by in his mind. He went down to the track and got ready to go there was four others on the track that day. Lucha jack knew them all. There was Sonic the go old cocaine fiend, hoping to spend that money on all sorts of unmentionable actions. Then Xolta the fat tube of goo who probably spend the money on toys and comics, The enemigo lucha jack arch rival good go lets hope he dosnet get the money and Everone was there two probably use the money to further his "enterprises". They were all lined up each int here own car of some odd verity. Lucha jack said to him self what a bunch of ass clowns and luaghed. He left like this was taking money from a dead hooker or that time he pissed on the pope.

The light turns form red, to green 3 2 1 go! The racer blast off at the track at the speed of light. The roar of there mecahines can be herad as well as sonic making stupid pertened car noises for he was racing on foot. Off they went first in the lead was sonic because he was fast but not fast eough for soon Emeigo was geting close to him. He Poured gasloine on the track and lit it. Seting poor xoltas car on fire. His mom will surely be mad at him when she finds out about this. Lucha jack was third then everone in last. Then the second lap luch jack used his chain saw to destroy Everones tires and he said I destoryed your tires like i destroyed your moms pussy last night. Lies scream everone. The he got back on his dino and off he was going. The third lap he and emeigo were in a dule for third place. The both keep thorwing things at each ither like children in a class room. Back and foruth there cheating went paying little mind to sonic. As they came to the fish line it was a close call but in the end sonic won the race.

Lucha jack was very mad at this of course and went over to sonic with the intention of beating him until he died form his rightfully discovered fist fucking, but this was not to be as sonic rushed off. Sonic was happy in the knowledge that tonight he would do blow off illegal one leg immigrant whores while burning ever copy of sonic boom he could get his hands on. Latter on that lucha jack had to fight the dino he had be using as a car. The poor mistreated beast got its revenge for sure and set lucha jack to the hospital with a broken leg. But Lucha jack said to him slef "there is allways next year" and then went to sleep in the hospital bead and that is the story of lucha jack and the race. the end