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Post by cosbydaf on Sept 27, 2013 8:04:21 GMT
"Ted visits Trip & Grace: A Screenplay"
FACADE STAGEPLAY
Fri Sep 27 04 03 47 2013
GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
TRIP
What, Grace... this?
GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --
TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --
TRIP
Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...
(Ted knocks on the front door.)
(Ted knocks on the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Ted!!
TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)
TED
hi
TRIP
Ha ha, hi!
TRIP
Wow, it's really really great to see you.
TRIP
So come on in!
TED
ok
TRIP
Y -- yeah, come in!
TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing) -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Ted,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!
TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?
GRACE
I just asked him that...
TRIP
I can ask too! -- (interrupted)
TED
fine
GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!
GRACE
Make yourself at home, come on in!
TED
thansk
GRACE
Uh...
TRIP
I'm gonna fix us some drinks.
TRIP
Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses.
(Trip closes the front door.)
TED
i dont like beer
TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, time for a drink. -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, but we can do better than that...!
TRIP
How about something fun,
TED
no
TRIP
like margaritas?
TRIP
No...?
GRACE
Trip don't force your fancy drinks on him.
GRACE
Ted, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?
TRIP
but... uhh...
TED
water ok
GRACE
Okay, Trip, that's what he wants!
TRIP
Alright, fine, fine...
TRIP
We can indulge in my new cocktail accessories some other time.
TRIP
Grace, maybe at least you'll drink with me? I'll make us something real nice, light on the alcohol, what do you say?
GRACE
I'm going to join our friend in what he is having.
TRIP
Alright...
TRIP
Oh, Ted, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago... -- (interrupted)
TED
ok
TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, uh, come look at this Italy photo!
TRIP
Ted, Come here, I want you to look at this!
TED
i will share it on tumblr
GRACE
(little -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.
GRACE
Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip?
TRIP
Heh, I'll tell you about it in a sec.
TRIP
Alright Grace, yours is ready.
TED
itlay
GRACE
Thanks.
TRIP
W -- well, come take a look!
GRACE
Ted, come over here and sit on the couch with me.
TRIP
No, hold on. Now, Ted, what does this picture make you think of?
GRACE
Oh, Trip, don't put our friend on the spot like that...
TRIP
In a word, what does this say to you?
GRACE
Oh, god... Ted, come over here, -- (interrupted)
TED
dogs
TRIP
Mmm... no...
GRACE
I like that, that's a good answer...!
TRIP
(little sigh) No just take a look, this says...
(TED picks up a player's drink.)
(TED sips his player's drink.)
TED
dogs
TRIP
Romance! It says... romance...!
(TED sips his player's drink.)
(TED sips his player's drink.)
GRACE
(little sigh)
TED
its says dogs
TRIP
What...? Ted, I --
GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between friends. That's all.
TED
sorry
GRACE
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
(little sigh)
TRIP
Ah, Ted, you probably didn't come here to hear this, heh...
GRACE
What? -- (interrupted)
TED
sorry
(TED sips his player's drink.)
GRACE
W -- wait, wait, what's wrong, Trip?
GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --
TRIP
We're NOT disagreeing.
TRIP
We're not disagreeing.
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Sounds good.
TRIP
Hmm!
TED
ooh 8 ball
TRIP
Oh that -- oh, that's just a little joke advice giver toy thing that I like to consult now and then...
TRIP
when I need a little guidance. Ha ha.
GRACE
His mother gave that to him.
TRIP
Stocking stuffer.
TRIP
(clears throat)
GRACE
You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, -- (interrupted)
TED
ok
TRIP
No no, no no, see, Grace loves expensive furniture, she...
(Trip sips his Trip's drink.)
(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)
(TED sips his player's drink.)
(TED sips his player's drink.)
TRIP
grew up in this really nice house, with really nice couches and fancy dishes, and, and she can't live without this stuff.
TED
wheres the nintendo
GRACE
Oh, well...
GRACE
You know at work I waste all day designing ads for stylish objects, like this armoire,
(TED sips his player's drink.)
GRACE
and then it makes me think, I want to design it into my apartment...
TRIP
This is a really exclusive armoire, very few people own this armoire.
GRACE
but... dammit, I don't know what I was thinking, this is a monstrosity!
TRIP
A monstrosity... what?
TED
sorry
TRIP
Grace, everything's fine! No one is complaining about your decorating --
GRACE
No, decorating is just --
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
There must be some way I could --
TED
lets watch b movies
TRIP
Grace, -- (interrupted)
GRACE
I don't know what to think. I don't know.
TRIP
You're good at decorating, trust yourself.
TED
pelase
TRIP
Wait, uhh, Grace, you're so good at decorating!
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Uhh, you are impossible...!
GRACE
I'm never happy...
GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling! -- (interrupted)
TED
gaint claw anyone
TRIP
What? What -- what are you saying to me? What?
TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Ted, I...
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
TED
sorry
TRIP
Uhh, uh, can you, can you -- can you just...
GRACE
No one is complaining...
GRACE
I'm stifled, Trip! Artistically! I need my life to have more feeling! Can't you see that?
TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!
GRACE
Alright, you know what, Ted,
GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.
TRIP
Grace --
GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
GRACE
Ted, yes or no...
GRACE
Does marriage have to be the most highest, beautiful, most passionate, thing in your life?
TRIP
What?
GRACE
I mean, is it wrong to have other things in your life that are more passionate than your marriage?
GRACE
Yes or no.
TED
i dont know sorry
TRIP
What...?!
TRIP
Oh, alright... yeah...
TED
sorry
TRIP
Uhh, Grace, you keep looking for something to satisfy you -- but that's what I'm supposed to be! I'm supposed to be the most important thing, and I'm not, goddammit!
GRACE
Oh, that's great Trip!
GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, get out of my sight!
GRACE
I can't stand you!
GRACE
Goddammit!
GRACE
uhh! -- (interrupted)
TED
tihs is not good
GRACE
What?! What are you saying to me?
TRIP
Grace, what the hell are you saying about me in there?
GRACE
I'm not talking to you!
GRACE
Ted, we're not normally like this, I don't know what's going on...
GRACE
uhh...
TED
sorry grace
TRIP
Ted, (annoyed sigh) Grace is just so...
GRACE
Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
TRIP
What?
TRIP
Ted, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.
GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this. -- (interrupted)
TED
it needs nintendo
TRIP
Well, heh, I -- I mean, we -- heh -- we -- we've got everything...
GRACE
Trip, you just don't... uhh.
TRIP
Ted, give me some advice here...!
GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.
GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.
TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.
GRACE
No, it's true...
TED
dogs
GRACE
Look, you're going to really make it bad if you keep criticizing me!
TED
sorry
GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.
GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...
TED
ok
TRIP
You think I'm not good enough...!
GRACE
I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this...
GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.
GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!
TRIP
What...?
GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!
TRIP
Oh my God... Ted, what... uhh...
TED
welp
TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --
GRACE
Ted, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!
TRIP
No, Grace, we can... I mean, come on, don't make it out to be so bad...
TED
wibble
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
Okay, no, I want to focus on Grace.
TRIP
Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle.
GRACE
What? Trip, you know what I --
TRIP
Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way.
TRIP
Let's continue focusing on Grace.
TRIP
You know, heh... whenever we go to visit Grace's parents, she gets all stressed out.
TED
no
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
She says she's afraid to visit.... I don't get it... her family is fabulous! The best!
TED
ok
GRACE
Yes?
GRACE
Trip, if you like them so much, just go by yourself. Nobody cares if I'm there or not anyway.
TRIP
But, Grace... Uhh.
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!
TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry? -- (interrupted)
TED
lets talk about space
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
Ted, you're saying I'm... not communicative?
GRACE
No, that's just wrong, I'm the one here who is able to actually say things...
TED
i dont know
TRIP
Let's keep talking about Grace.
TED
sorry
GRACE
You know, Trip, whenever I really try to talk honestly about things, you...
GRACE
you don't want to hear it!
TRIP
What?
GRACE
Ted, I think I'm the only one who is trying to be the most honest here.
TED
ok
GRACE
Yes?
TRIP
Look, you're doing it again, you're putting all this on me...
TRIP
Let's keep our focus on Grace.
GRACE
See, Ted, all this time, I just can't stop thinking that I should have been painting!
TRIP
Why don't you just do it then?
TRIP
Be a goddamn artist already. What are you afraid of, Grace?
GRACE
Well, but... -- (interrupted)
TED
i cant darw
GRACE
No?
GRACE
You -- you don't think I should paint...
GRACE
Uhh...
TED
i dont know
GRACE
Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this...
GRACE
Uhh...
GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,
GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!
TRIP
What?
GRACE
If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now.
TRIP
Uhh... -- (interrupted)
TED
sorry
TRIP
That's bullshit.
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
TRIP
Ted, you think this is all my fault, don't you?
GRACE
See, you lied to me from the moment we got married, insisted I'd be better off in advertising than art.
TRIP
What? Oh, Jesus...!
TRIP
TRIP
Ted, do you agree with that?
TED
pealse dont fight
GRACE
Aha!
TRIP
Ted, you're saying I'm... angry?
TRIP
God... it makes me so angry.
GRACE
What?
TRIP
Ted, did I ever tell you how she humiliated me at a gallery in front of her 'artist' friends?
TED
what
TRIP
Ah, see, just you saying that helps me! Ted, see, I made some comment, and Grace told everybody that I knew nothing about art... uhh...
TRIP
Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit!!
TED
why
TRIP
Ted, I know what you're hinting at...
TRIP
about me...
TRIP
Do you really want the truth? Huh?
TRIP
Ted, -- (interrupted)
TED
i dont know
TRIP
No, Ted, just, yes or no, do you want the truth?
TED
ok
TRIP
Grace, huh?
GRACE
Yes...!
TRIP
See, Ted, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight.
TRIP
You've been pushing me tonight.
TED
sorry
TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.
GRACE
Trip!
TRIP
Ted, Quit interrupting me, let me finish!
TED
oh god
TRIP
Ted, come on -- yes or no...
TRIP
Do you really think that...
TRIP
criticizing Grace...
TRIP
criticizing me...
TRIP
saying that Grace is not communicative...
TRIP
telling me I'm angry...
TRIP
but especially what you said about how marriage is supposed to be the most important thing...
TRIP
that all that is supposed to help me understand something about myself?
TRIP
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?
TRIP
Is it? Just give me a yes or no.
TED
no
TRIP
No? Huh, well, I thought it did add up to something, actually.
TRIP
Okay... look... heh heh... (big sigh)
TED
sorry sorry
TRIP
Ted, We're... we're actually fine... everything's fine...
TED
i need a dfrink ok
GRACE
Yeah...
TRIP
And no you, you -- you don't have to be nice anymore, heh, we're -- we're fine...
TED
too much presure
TRIP
I think it's -- it's okay if you -- if you... n -- need to go...
TED
ok bye
TRIP
You know, Ted, we're fine, nothing's changed... we'll see you out.
TRIP
No, no more need to be nice, okay?
GRACE
Thank for you coming over, it was... nice.
TRIP
Come on, Ted, the evening's over... there's nothing else to say, heh...
TED
shtu up everone
TED
mmmmmmmmmmmm
GRACE
Uh, it -- it's nice that you came over, but it's time to say goodnight.
TED
iu have my room booked
(Trip opens the front door.)
TED
in hell
TRIP
So, ah, we'll, uh, we'll -- I'll give you a buzz later, or, um, or something.
TED
fcuk yuo
TED
sigh
GRACE
Be safe...
(Trip closes the front door.)
TRIP
You really outdid yourself tonight!
GRACE
How could you speak to me that way?
TED
the things i do
GRACE
Have you ever thought to consider my feelings for once?
TRIP
Me?! What the hell were you thinking!
TED
fro you fcuks
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